Good Grief...

My staff tried to pack me up and send me out today.

Even my partner in crime agreed.
I was very disappointed...

But then I decided to break loose!
And so I did.

~Meow

I had my...

adventure for the day.

~

I don't really want to tell you, since my staff made such a huge deal out of it, but I probably should...

~

Anyway, as I mentioned earlier, my staff are remodeling the back of the house, just for me! They have painted the laundry room, for me! Painted their own room, so it's a bit more tasteful, for me! And got (getting tomorrow) new carpet, so my velvet paws have something plush to walk on, for me!

~

Because they are working in my room, I am unable to sleep in there. I am having to sleep in the staff's restroom. Yes, I gave them their own. They really didn't want to use the box. I mean what's wrong with that?

~

Anyway, back to my original point.

~

Last night, after I went to bed, I was trying to think of things to do. There's really not much to do in a bathroom. I mean, you can play with the water and flush the toilet only so much...

So, after I had been in there for a while, I realized that a member of my staff kept her hair bands in here! So, I searched. And searched. And searched until I thought I'd go crazy.

~

Three minutes is so long!

~

That's when I noticed the drawers under the sink. So, I climbed on the counter and pulled out the drawer. Once I opened the drawer and found some hair bands, I really didn't care any more. I liked the adventure much more than I did the hair bands.

~

So I left the drawer open, turned out the light, and went to sleep.

~

It sounds like I had a purrfect night, doesn't it?

~

Well, the night was great. Full of adventure. But once morning pulled around...that's when things got crazy.

~

A member of my staff needed to get into the bathroom, to put her contacts in. So she knocked. And knocked again. Because I didn't open the door immediately, she decided to barge right in on me! But she couldn't. =P

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Remember how I said I left the drawer open? Well, the drawer blocks the door, so you can't open the door when the drawers open. I'm so smart. :)

~

After she discovered that "I was trapped," she went and tried to get some help. Well, that's when the parental units stepped in. (They're still my staff, just higher up on the chain.) They were convinced that they could just talk me into closing the little drawer. WRONG.

So after about fifteen minutes of them talking to me, starting out in baby talk (which makes me want to fire them.) and then moving on to more aggressive tones, they decided to try to take the door off of it's hinges.

~

But the hinges were in the room with me. HA!

~

And so they tried using a hanger. FAIL.

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And a paint stirrer. Another FAIL

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Then they had an epiphany, and I heard one of them say to the other,

"Lets try pulling on the drawer knob with the hanger, while we whack the end of it with the stirrer?"

~

This was another FAIL. At first...

~

I decided to make their jobs slightly harder...but more fun for me!

~

Every time they would stick the hanger in, I would whack it with my velvet paw.

And when they would put the paint stirrer in, I would bite it with my razor sharp teeth.

That was a lot of fun!

~

But then I got bored. And decided to let one of them feel like a hero. So, I let them "save" me.

~Meow

*(No animals (or humans) were harmed in the making of this post; although it was close.)*

Playground

My staff had a slight mishap a few weeks ago. The washing machine was spewing water everywhere. It happened in my room. Their room and kitchen got wet too, but my room. My room. It was soaked! Anyway, today some strange people that stomp around and try to talk to me are going to come start fixing things, I think. I kind of like the results of my staff's room moving into the kitchen though. It gives me a multi-level playground! There's a treadmill, lots of bookshelves, and some other fun things to climb on. I also get a cat's eye view of the birds.

I've improved.

I've really come a long way since I was a kid. I mean, look!

~Meow

Not everyone...

Sure, anyone can sit in a chair. But not everyone can beautify a chair. Especially a teeny, white, wicker chair.

For instance, dogs look like drowned rats in over-sized clothes. They just plop themselves up in the chair and lose all of the dignity they once possessed..

See?

~Meow

(No animals were harmed in the making of this post.)

As I mentioned in a previous post, I have my own facebook page. I created it myself. It's called Oliver's Twisted Tails. I even have proof that it was me who created the page.

~Meow

This week I

raided an entire city.

There were screaming people and everything. It was great. I knocked a few buildings over in the process too. I hope the people didn’t mind. Ehhhhh, what do I care? Meow.

While I was raiding the city, I knocked a train off of its track, ripped apart some smaller vehicles, pulled a man’s head off, okay…not really. But I did remove the train from the track in one single move, knock a few smaller vehicles over, and injured a pawful of people.

You are probably wondering why I did such a thing to a city. Well, I didn’t destroy the city just for the fun of it, although it was fun. I had a reason for doing all of this. You see, a member of my staff, who shall remain nameless, left his knife out during the night. The knife was sitting helplessly in the center of the city. I noticed it in the middle of the night while I was patrolling the household. You see, my staff don’t really like me handling knives, but I really wanted to have a closer look at that glorious, yet mysterious, hand-held device. So I crept closer to the city to get a better view.

As I approached the city, the occupants started running around wildly and screaming. Because I was afraid that they would wake my staff up, I bravely whacked the people with my velvet paw. As I struck the screaming urchins, I mean people, I accidentally knocked over the train. When I knocked over the train, a few cars flipped over. Before I could feel the slightest twinge of remorse, I caught a glimpse of the knife. It was so beautiful.

My curiosity was peaked, yet again, so I continued to run towards it. As I got closer, I realized that the hard, crunchy things that I was stepping on were not rocks, but cars and people! As soon as I realized I was doing such a thing, I ran straight towards the oh-so beautiful knife. Once I reached the forbidden item, I placed it in my mouth and leaped out of the city.

Once I was safely out of the city, I quickly realized that I could not open the beautiful, forbidden, knife. YOU NEED THUMBS TO OPEN A KNIFE!

After that revelation was made, I spit the knife out and walked away.

~Meow