Thursday, September 30, 2010
Friday, August 27, 2010
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Monday, August 9, 2010
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Sunday, August 1, 2010
While I was raiding the city, I knocked a train off of its track, ripped apart some smaller vehicles, pulled a man’s head off, okay…not really. But I did remove the train from the track in one single move, knock a few smaller vehicles over, and injured a pawful of people.
You are probably wondering why I did such a thing to a city. Well, I didn’t destroy the city just for the fun of it, although it was fun. I had a reason for doing all of this. You see, a member of my staff, who shall remain nameless, left his knife out during the night. The knife was sitting helplessly in the center of the city. I noticed it in the middle of the night while I was patrolling the household. You see, my staff don’t really like me handling knives, but I really wanted to have a closer look at that glorious, yet mysterious, hand-held device. So I crept closer to the city to get a better view.
As I approached the city, the occupants started running around wildly and screaming. Because I was afraid that they would wake my staff up, I bravely whacked the people with my velvet paw. As I struck the screaming urchins, I mean people, I accidentally knocked over the train. When I knocked over the train, a few cars flipped over. Before I could feel the slightest twinge of remorse, I caught a glimpse of the knife. It was so beautiful.
My curiosity was peaked, yet again, so I continued to run towards it. As I got closer, I realized that the hard, crunchy things that I was stepping on were not rocks, but cars and people! As soon as I realized I was doing such a thing, I ran straight towards the oh-so beautiful knife. Once I reached the forbidden item, I placed it in my mouth and leaped out of the city.
Once I was safely out of the city, I quickly realized that I could not open the beautiful, forbidden, knife. YOU NEED THUMBS TO OPEN A KNIFE!
After that revelation was made, I spit the knife out and walked away.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
I heard that the cats in CATS are making a few changes to their show. The one that I like the most is that they are changing the song and character known as "Old Deuteronomy" to "Old Oliver."
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Here is a brief list of things that I've done:
Created my own facebook page.
Stole...I mean borrowed...some Nerf darts.
Wrestled with Piper.
Learned how to sing.
And it's only Thursday! That means I had to get up off the couch at least once each day. Man, am I an active cat, or what?
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Me: Hi, I'm Oliver Fabulous Hobbes. What's your name?
Low Class Dog: My name is Skipper.
Me: Skipper? ::What kind of name is that??:: Where are you from?
Skipper: I'm from the pound. My family adopted me when I was three.
Me: Oh really?
Skipper: Yeah. What about you? Are you a rescue, too?
Me: ::I scoff and proceed with a British accent:: Oh goodness, no.
Skipper: No? Then where did you come from?
Me: I, Skipper, escaped from the rain forest in Costa Rica at the young age of nine months. You see, the San Diego zoo was preparing to accept some large, exotic jungle cats. I was one of them.
Me: Oh yes. Now let me proceed with my story. The San Diego Zoo had sent some keepers to meet the wranglers half way. I traveled in a large, wooden crate that wobbled, jiggled, shook, and rocked at every second. There were originally eleven exotic cats, but when we made it to the half way point and they moved us, I soon realized that there were only five cats left, including myself.
Skipper: No! How'd they die?
Me: There was a brutal fight. That is when I decided that living in the zoo, was not the life for me. Especially with those creatures! So as soon as they opened my crate to transfer me, I bolted. But before I was free, I had to make it past thirty-seven guards, who all had loaded rifles, three locked doors (we were still on the boat), and swim four miles to shore.
Skipper: You must have been exhausted! What happened next?
Me: Well, Skipper, most cats would have just given up there. But not Oliver Fabulous Hobbes. I walked all of the was from California to Colorado. Then I managed to get a flight from Colorado to Texas. Once I arrived in Texas, I walked all of the way to Tennessee.
Skipper: All of the way to Tennessee?
Me: Yes, Skipper, I walked all of the way to Tennessee. Once I arrived in Tennessee, I climbed in the back of a truck that was parked in a store parking lot. I figured I could take a little cat nap back there. Next thing I knew, I was in the middle of no where! There were HUGE trees around me. Everywhere I looked there were trees as tall as the clouds and grass over my head. I walked for a while until I came up on a road; a long road with lots of curves. I followed that road for what seemed like forever. After I walked for a very long time, I came up on a house. This house was rather large and was colored white. I decided to explore this house and see if they had any food for me to eat.
Skipper: You're a cat. You could've just caught mice, right?
Me: Oh, goodness no! Skipper, an exotic feline like me does not eat rodents. Never. I decided to stay at this house for a little while and see if they left any food around. After a day or two, this lady saw me and offered me some food. "Here kitty kitty kitty...you want some food? Poor starving baby." I couldn't let her think that I was desperate, so I didn't go into her garage, where the food was. I waited until she went inside, before I quickly scarfed up the food she left. But the lady was watching. As soon as I entered, I heard a loud "vmshhhhhhh" sound. It was the garage door shutting. I was worried that the door would close on my luxurious tail, so I didn't bolt out.
Skipper: Luxurious? ::snicker::
Me: Oh yes, my tail is luxurious.
Skipper: Of course...
Me: Anyways, where was I. Oh yes, after the door shut, the lady came back in the garage, gave me more food, and forced me to eat some more. Then she went inside and I could here her talking to someone on this box looking thing.
A few days later, this family came and tried to pet me and hold me. I did not want to be babied. I was going to be sent to the San Diego Zoo for meowing out loud!
After they left, I thought that all was well. But no. The lady caught me (I actually let her catch me), put me in this wire box, and then put that in the back of her car. After a long car ride, we arrived in this street full of houses. It was kind of strange... She rang this thing by the door that made a loud, "ding!" which made this other lady come to the door.
Skipper: What a strange contraption...
Me: Well, after the woman came to the door, the other lady carried the wire box in and placed it in the room. The two ladies talked in muffled tones for a while, and then the lady that brought me there left. A normal cat would be a nervous wreck by now. But not Oliver Fabulous Hobbes! I was very brave. The next thing I knew, the new lady had unlatched the wire box's door and I was free! In a much smaller house though. This lady turned out to have a family living with her. They were supposedly her husband and kids. This family turned out to be my staff. Some other members of my current staff are the two dogs, Millie & Bosco. The third dog is my partner in crime. His name is Piper. I now live here permanently. What a life!
Friday, July 16, 2010
When humans ask what my name is, my staff usually respond with, “Oliver” or “Oliver Hobbes.” But when we go to that place that smells all clean and always has animals in it, my staff tells them that my name is Oliver F. Hobbes. I can always hear the animals in the room snicker because they don’t know what the F stands for. They always start guessing. Oliver Fatty Hobbes, Oliver Funky Hobbes, Oliver Furry Hobbes, and Oliver Food-lovin’ Hobbes are just a few I have overheard.
Now, if I get a chance to talk the animals in the building, I always try to tell them what the F stands for. I tell them that my name is either Oliver Fabulous Hobbes, Oliver Fresh Hobbes, Oliver Fancy Hobbes, Oliver Friendly Hobbes, Oliver Frightful Hobbes (when I'm trying to scare them) or Oliver Fantastic Hobbes.
But then my mom has to go and respond to the lady behind the desk, "His name is Oliver Fayette Hobbes." And then all of those despicable animals go and laugh at me. Me! Oliver Fabulous Hobbes! I mean Fayette…
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Oliver's to do list:
- steal at least 2 hair bands (check)
- walk across piano (check)
- jump on Mantel (check)
- explore my staff’s rooms (2/3)
- borrow some jewelry (check)
- yank Piper’s tail (check)
- pounce on poodles (check)
- splash in my water bowl (check)
- try to go outside (I made it to the edge of the porch!)
- wrestle with Piper
- pet the birdies (check)
You see, I did all of the things today and there was plenty of daylight left. So I got to thinking while I was on the couch about what I could do. And then I had a brilliant idea! Do you know what I decided to do? Do ya? Huh? Huh??? I decided…to draw a self portrait!
Here it is!!!
Okay… that wasn't really what I drew. Piper helped me with that one.
Here’s the real picture!
Do you like it?
Don't you see the resemblance?
Ouch! It just hit me. I was going to tell you about my namesake. Yes, I know what "namesake" means. I happen to be a genius cat. I just don't always use my powers for what my staff considers "good."
Okay, back to the original topic. I thought I would put a picture up of my namesake. Or at least the one that I consider courageous and nameafterable.
Whew! Just putting these up made me exhau....ste.....d.