Thursday, September 30, 2010

Musician and Magician

Did you know that I can play the piano? Well I can. I am very talented, you know. I play the piano with all four paws at once.
It's not a very common style of playing, but it's slowly becoming well known. Just wait, in a few years, I'll be giving concerts and teaching lessons on my new technique of playing.
Just wait.
I'm also a magician. I can make jewelry disappear in the blink of an eye. I can fly up on the counter faster than any of my staff can scream "Oliver Hobbes!" and I can make my food bowl go from overflowing to empty in just a matter of seconds. I can also make a single Nerf dart into a billion little pieces in a heartbeat.
Don't you wish you were more like me?

Friday, August 27, 2010

Good Grief...

My staff tried to pack me up and send me out today.

Even my partner in crime agreed.
I was very disappointed...

But then I decided to break loose!
And so I did.


Thursday, August 19, 2010

I had my...

adventure for the day.
I don't really want to tell you, since my staff made such a huge deal out of it, but I probably should...
Anyway, as I mentioned earlier, my staff are remodeling the back of the house, just for me! They have painted the laundry room, for me! Painted their own room, so it's a bit more tasteful, for me! And got (getting tomorrow) new carpet, so my velvet paws have something plush to walk on, for me!
Because they are working in my room, I am unable to sleep in there. I am having to sleep in the staff's restroom. Yes, I gave them their own. They really didn't want to use the box. I mean what's wrong with that?
Anyway, back to my original point.
Last night, after I went to bed, I was trying to think of things to do. There's really not much to do in a bathroom. I mean, you can play with the water and flush the toilet only so much...
So, after I had been in there for a while, I realized that a member of my staff kept her hair bands in here! So, I searched. And searched. And searched until I thought I'd go crazy.
Three minutes is so long!
That's when I noticed the drawers under the sink. So, I climbed on the counter and pulled out the drawer. Once I opened the drawer and found some hair bands, I really didn't care any more. I liked the adventure much more than I did the hair bands.
So I left the drawer open, turned out the light, and went to sleep.
It sounds like I had a purrfect night, doesn't it?
Well, the night was great. Full of adventure. But once morning pulled around...that's when things got crazy.
A member of my staff needed to get into the bathroom, to put her contacts in. So she knocked. And knocked again. Because I didn't open the door immediately, she decided to barge right in on me! But she couldn't. =P
Remember how I said I left the drawer open? Well, the drawer blocks the door, so you can't open the door when the drawers open. I'm so smart. :)
After she discovered that "I was trapped," she went and tried to get some help. Well, that's when the parental units stepped in. (They're still my staff, just higher up on the chain.) They were convinced that they could just talk me into closing the little drawer. WRONG.
So after about fifteen minutes of them talking to me, starting out in baby talk (which makes me want to fire them.) and then moving on to more aggressive tones, they decided to try to take the door off of it's hinges.
But the hinges were in the room with me. HA!
And so they tried using a hanger. FAIL.
And a paint stirrer. Another FAIL
Then they had an epiphany, and I heard one of them say to the other,
"Lets try pulling on the drawer knob with the hanger, while we whack the end of it with the stirrer?"
This was another FAIL. At first...
I decided to make their jobs slightly harder...but more fun for me!
Every time they would stick the hanger in, I would whack it with my velvet paw.
And when they would put the paint stirrer in, I would bite it with my razor sharp teeth.
That was a lot of fun!
But then I got bored. And decided to let one of them feel like a hero. So, I let them "save" me.
*(No animals (or humans) were harmed in the making of this post; although it was close.)*

Thursday, August 12, 2010


My staff had a slight mishap a few weeks ago. The washing machine was spewing water everywhere. It happened in my room. Their room and kitchen got wet too, but my room. My room. It was soaked! Anyway, today some strange people that stomp around and try to talk to me are going to come start fixing things, I think. I kind of like the results of my staff's room moving into the kitchen though. It gives me a multi-level playground! There's a treadmill, lots of bookshelves, and some other fun things to climb on. I also get a cat's eye view of the birds.

Monday, August 9, 2010

I've improved.

I've really come a long way since I was a kid. I mean, look!


Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Not everyone...

Sure, anyone can sit in a chair. But not everyone can beautify a chair. Especially a teeny, white, wicker chair.

For instance, dogs look like drowned rats in over-sized clothes. They just plop themselves up in the chair and lose all of the dignity they once possessed..


(No animals were harmed in the making of this post.)

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

As I mentioned in a previous post, I have my own facebook page. I created it myself. It's called Oliver's Twisted Tails. I even have proof that it was me who created the page.


Sunday, August 1, 2010

This week I

raided an entire city.
There were screaming people and everything. It was great. I knocked a few buildings over in the process too. I hope the people didn’t mind. Ehhhhh, what do I care? Meow.

While I was raiding the city, I knocked a train off of its track, ripped apart some smaller vehicles, pulled a man’s head off, okay…not really. But I did remove the train from the track in one single move, knock a few smaller vehicles over, and injured a pawful of people.

You are probably wondering why I did such a thing to a city. Well, I didn’t destroy the city just for the fun of it, although it was fun. I had a reason for doing all of this. You see, a member of my staff, who shall remain nameless, left his knife out during the night. The knife was sitting helplessly in the center of the city. I noticed it in the middle of the night while I was patrolling the household. You see, my staff don’t really like me handling knives, but I really wanted to have a closer look at that glorious, yet mysterious, hand-held device. So I crept closer to the city to get a better view.

As I approached the city, the occupants started running around wildly and screaming. Because I was afraid that they would wake my staff up, I bravely whacked the people with my velvet paw. As I struck the screaming urchins, I mean people, I accidentally knocked over the train. When I knocked over the train, a few cars flipped over. Before I could feel the slightest twinge of remorse, I caught a glimpse of the knife. It was so beautiful.

My curiosity was peaked, yet again, so I continued to run towards it. As I got closer, I realized that the hard, crunchy things that I was stepping on were not rocks, but cars and people! As soon as I realized I was doing such a thing, I ran straight towards the oh-so beautiful knife. Once I reached the forbidden item, I placed it in my mouth and leaped out of the city.

Once I was safely out of the city, I quickly realized that I could not open the beautiful, forbidden, knife. YOU NEED THUMBS TO OPEN A KNIFE!

After that revelation was made, I spit the knife out and walked away.


Sunday, July 25, 2010


My staff are finally coming to their senses. They went to see CATS last night. I am so proud of them. Notice they didn't go see DOGS last night? I think this is a sign that I am their favorite...

I heard that the cats in CATS are making a few changes to their show. The one that I like the most is that they are changing the song and character known as "Old Deuteronomy" to "Old Oliver."


Thursday, July 22, 2010

What a Week!

Sorry I haven't been posting very often...I've been very busy lately!

Here is a brief list of things that I've done:

Created my own facebook page.

Stole...I mean borrowed...some Nerf darts.

Wrestled with Piper.

Learned how to sing.

And it's only Thursday! That means I had to get up off the couch at least once each day. Man, am I an active cat, or what?


Sunday, July 18, 2010

How I Got Here

Do you remember when I told you where I came from? Well you know now that I came from Fayette County. You are the only one that knows where I am really from, except for my staff. I usually tell all of the animals something else. I won't tell you every place I tell them right now, but I will tell you one place that I commonly use. Ready? I'll tell you now.

Me: Hi, I'm Oliver Fabulous Hobbes. What's your name?

Low Class Dog: My name is Skipper.

Me: Skipper? ::What kind of name is that??:: Where are you from?

Skipper: I'm from the pound. My family adopted me when I was three.

Me: Oh really?

Skipper: Yeah. What about you? Are you a rescue, too?

Me: ::I scoff and proceed with a British accent:: Oh goodness, no.

Skipper: No? Then where did you come from?

Me: I, Skipper, escaped from the rain forest in Costa Rica at the young age of nine months. You see, the San Diego zoo was preparing to accept some large, exotic jungle cats. I was one of them.

Skipper: REALLY?

Me: Oh yes. Now let me proceed with my story. The San Diego Zoo had sent some keepers to meet the wranglers half way. I traveled in a large, wooden crate that wobbled, jiggled, shook, and rocked at every second. There were originally eleven exotic cats, but when we made it to the half way point and they moved us, I soon realized that there were only five cats left, including myself.

Skipper: No! How'd they die?

Me: There was a brutal fight. That is when I decided that living in the zoo, was not the life for me. Especially with those creatures! So as soon as they opened my crate to transfer me, I bolted. But before I was free, I had to make it past thirty-seven guards, who all had loaded rifles, three locked doors (we were still on the boat), and swim four miles to shore.

Skipper: You must have been exhausted! What happened next?

Me: Well, Skipper, most cats would have just given up there. But not Oliver Fabulous Hobbes. I walked all of the was from California to Colorado. Then I managed to get a flight from Colorado to Texas. Once I arrived in Texas, I walked all of the way to Tennessee.

Skipper: All of the way to Tennessee?

Me: Yes, Skipper, I walked all of the way to Tennessee. Once I arrived in Tennessee, I climbed in the back of a truck that was parked in a store parking lot. I figured I could take a little cat nap back there. Next thing I knew, I was in the middle of no where! There were HUGE trees around me. Everywhere I looked there were trees as tall as the clouds and grass over my head. I walked for a while until I came up on a road; a long road with lots of curves. I followed that road for what seemed like forever. After I walked for a very long time, I came up on a house. This house was rather large and was colored white. I decided to explore this house and see if they had any food for me to eat.

Skipper: You're a cat. You could've just caught mice, right?

Me: Oh, goodness no! Skipper, an exotic feline like me does not eat rodents. Never. I decided to stay at this house for a little while and see if they left any food around. After a day or two, this lady saw me and offered me some food. "Here kitty kitty want some food? Poor starving baby." I couldn't let her think that I was desperate, so I didn't go into her garage, where the food was. I waited until she went inside, before I quickly scarfed up the food she left. But the lady was watching. As soon as I entered, I heard a loud "vmshhhhhhh" sound. It was the garage door shutting. I was worried that the door would close on my luxurious tail, so I didn't bolt out.

Skipper: Luxurious? ::snicker::

Me: Oh yes, my tail is luxurious.

Skipper: Of course...

Me: Anyways, where was I. Oh yes, after the door shut, the lady came back in the garage, gave me more food, and forced me to eat some more. Then she went inside and I could here her talking to someone on this box looking thing.

A few days later, this family came and tried to pet me and hold me. I did not want to be babied. I was going to be sent to the San Diego Zoo for meowing out loud!

After they left, I thought that all was well. But no. The lady caught me (I actually let her catch me), put me in this wire box, and then put that in the back of her car. After a long car ride, we arrived in this street full of houses. It was kind of strange... She rang this thing by the door that made a loud, "ding!" which made this other lady come to the door.

Skipper: What a strange contraption...

Me: Well, after the woman came to the door, the other lady carried the wire box in and placed it in the room. The two ladies talked in muffled tones for a while, and then the lady that brought me there left. A normal cat would be a nervous wreck by now. But not Oliver Fabulous Hobbes! I was very brave. The next thing I knew, the new lady had unlatched the wire box's door and I was free! In a much smaller house though. This lady turned out to have a family living with her. They were supposedly her husband and kids. This family turned out to be my staff. Some other members of my current staff are the two dogs, Millie & Bosco. The third dog is my partner in crime. His name is Piper. I now live here permanently. What a life!



are great for cat naps...

Friday, July 16, 2010

Oliver F. Hobbes

As you already know, my name is Oliver Hobbes. Something that you don’t know about me is that I have a middle name! It starts with an F. As in Fabulous. My middle name is Fayette. Fayette is kind of a funny middle name, but it has a story. I found my family’s family in Fayette County! Ohmygoodness! I called my staff, my family! Promise me you won’t tell a soul. When I was just a kitten, I was lost in these scary, dark woods. I would have been really lonely, but I had a friend with me. She looked just like me, except she was black and white. She went by the name Trouble and really like the people petting all over her. I couldn’t stand the people petting all over me. All I cared about was getting the food! They all thought that I was scared, timid, shy, and all of that kind of junk. I wasn’t. In fact, I was plenty brave. I was just independent!

When humans ask what my name is, my staff usually respond with, “Oliver” or “Oliver Hobbes.” But when we go to that place that smells all clean and always has animals in it, my staff tells them that my name is Oliver F. Hobbes. I can always hear the animals in the room snicker because they don’t know what the F stands for. They always start guessing. Oliver Fatty Hobbes, Oliver Funky Hobbes, Oliver Furry Hobbes, and Oliver Food-lovin’ Hobbes are just a few I have overheard.

Now, if I get a chance to talk the animals in the building, I always try to tell them what the F stands for. I tell them that my name is either Oliver Fabulous Hobbes, Oliver Fresh Hobbes, Oliver Fancy Hobbes, Oliver Friendly Hobbes, Oliver Frightful Hobbes (when I'm trying to scare them) or Oliver Fantastic Hobbes.

But then my mom has to go and respond to the lady behind the desk, "His name is Oliver Fayette Hobbes." And then all of those despicable animals go and laugh at me. Me! Oliver Fabulous Hobbes! I mean Fayette…


Wednesday, July 14, 2010

My Self Portrait

Well, today I was sprawled out on the couch trying to figure out what to do. Here was my to-do list for the day. I made it myself!

Oliver's to do list:
  • steal at least 2 hair bands (check)
  • walk across piano (check)
  • jump on Mantel (check)
  • explore my staff’s rooms (2/3)
  • borrow some jewelry (check)
  • yank Piper’s tail (check)
  • pounce on poodles (check)
  • splash in my water bowl (check)
  • try to go outside (I made it to the edge of the porch!)
  • wrestle with Piper
  • pet the birdies (check)

You see, I did all of the things today and there was plenty of daylight left. So I got to thinking while I was on the couch about what I could do. And then I had a brilliant idea! Do you know what I decided to do? Do ya? Huh? Huh??? I decided…to draw a self portrait!
Wanna see?
Here it is!!!

Okay… that wasn't really what I drew. Piper helped me with that one.

Here’s the real picture!

Do you like it?
Don't you see the resemblance?


My Namesake

I'm back. Boo! Did I scare you? I don't really care if I did or didn't. But I better have because it sure used a lot of energy to do that. What was I going to talk about? ehhh. I don't remember.

Ouch! It just hit me. I was going to tell you about my namesake. Yes, I know what "namesake" means. I happen to be a genius cat. I just don't always use my powers for what my staff considers "good."

Okay, back to the original topic. I thought I would put a picture up of my namesake. Or at least the one that I consider courageous and nameafterable.

Whew! Just putting these up made me exhau....ste.....d.

My Blog Debut

'ello mortals, Oliver here. I may not post often because, well, try typing something really long using no thumbs. And imagine that there is a lot of hair on those few fingers you do have. And then add some thicker finger pads. And then make it ten times harder. Because I'm a cat. And that's what cats do.
Sorry for the lag. I had to go have my staff fill my bowl up with some kibble. Get this. They only gave me ONE scoop and said something to me like, "Here you go fatty kitty!" I was absolutely disgusted. So, do you want to know what I did? Well I don't care. I'm going to tell you anyway.
Meow, meow, oooophsh. Sorry! Hairball. Aren't they nasty?
Well, anyways, where was I? Oh meow! After they called me fat and gave me a single scoop, I put my paw in the bowl, let out a mighty roar, knocked the bowl off the dryer, and walked away. After I pretended to pout for a few minutes, my stomach was unbearably empty and noisy! So I retreated to the kitchen, flopped on my back, and acted like a poor, innocent, starving kitty. Gets 'em every time! Next thing I knew, they were carrying me into my room and then they gave me TWO scoops! I was thrilled! But I couldn't let my emotions show to those mortals... So what I did was get a few bites and walked away.
I haven't had a very exciting day today, but I swear. Well, actually I don't. Anyways, what I was going to say was that I am going to try to post my daily adventures on this thing. What's it called again? A frog? No. A clog? No. Oh well, I'll think of it later...